As I move through Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness , I find that learning about the way the brain processes loss is fascinating as well as healing.
Emotional bonds, Amen explains, occur in the "deep limbic system" deep within the brain. When you lose someone through death or separation, "Your deep limbic system misses the person's touch, voice, and smell." As we all know, this mental trauma becomes physical pain: "The deep limbic system, especially the hypothalamus at the base of the brain, is responsible for translating our emotional state into physical feelings of relaxation or tension." Women (who have larger limbic systems than men, according to an article called The Male vs. the Female Brain on ThirdAge.com)are particularly susceptible to these feelings and symptoms.
Apparently, this limbic response to loss decreases over time. Which we sort of knew without knowing it.
One surprising facet of deep limbic bonding is that it doesn't only occur between humans. "Many people," Amen writes, "become as attached to their pets as they do to the significant people in their lives. Pets often give unconditional love and connect with our innermost caring selves."
So, hypothetically, if my boyfriend were to accuse me of mental illness for being unwilling to part with my 20-year-old pet dove, Ed, well, he'd just be wrong. Science - 1, Boyfriend - 0.
I think the mental illness came into play when you decided 20 years ago to get a pet bird. But I agree, once you've come to love the disgusting, disease-spreading little thing it ain't crazy to want to keep it around.
ReplyDeleteRA, I highly disagree. Birds are the most tender loving and smart pets you can get. My little guy is so attached that he screams my name at the top of his lungs when I dont come home at exactly 6pm. I think you should get one and know the joy of bird keeping.
ReplyDeleteI love this limbic bonding thing...but I wonder what happens to your limbic bonding system if you havent been in relationship in a while? Does it stop working, or deteriorate somehow?
S - All your relationships with people you care about involve your deep limbic system. Your bond with your sisters, your parents, your college roommate - all deep limbic bonds. So you personally are not at risk of going without practice. I've read about the deep limbic system deteriorating through degenerative brain diseases, and also about children who's limbic systems don't develop properly, but I'm not aware of any situation where it goes bad from not being used (which doesn't mean there IS no such situation).
ReplyDeleteSarika-
ReplyDeleteif, as you say, birds are "tender and loving", form emotional bonds, etc. can they not also be mean spirited, hateful, torturous little fuckers? Also doesn't the level of inteligence vary from species to species? While it is well documented that parrots are highly intelligent, from where does the phrase "bird brain" originate if they are all so goddamn smart?
Aw, I thought for sure you'd say "Science don't know."
ReplyDeleteEd is an asshole. He's the equivelant of a 90 year old man rotting in prison, convicted of terrorism, who's lost his mind and sits around in his cell all day laughing to himself while thinking of the day he'll be able to hop amok stealing milk straight from childrens' cereal bowls. I feel like chicken tonight.
ReplyDelete